Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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