you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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