I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize