I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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