I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
