I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
