We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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