guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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