I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
