We named our party play list daddy issues
I am midnight drunk by noon
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
