you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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