Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
