You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
