i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
