Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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