Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
