dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
