My Higher Power is John Stamos
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
