Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
