Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
