I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
