Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
