how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
