i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
