She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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