it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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