Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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