I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
