I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
