The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
