evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I did not marry a roomba.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
