In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
