I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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