i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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