nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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