I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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