Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
