i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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