From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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