She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
