i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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