Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
