He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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