please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
