like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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