his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
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So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
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You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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