I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
