dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
