you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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