do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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