She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
