I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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