I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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