i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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