i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
