the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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