its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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