Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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