I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
