You can't motorboat a personality
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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