Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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