what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
