Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
