whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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