I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
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I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
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It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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