I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
