mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
