i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
