take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I want her autograph on my taint
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
