First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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