we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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