Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
