i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
