Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
