dude i'm inner monologue high
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
