Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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