k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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