ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
