just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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