Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
