I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
