I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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