He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
